Positive Trumps Negative, Always

This idea may sound simple, but it’s actually very easy to fall into a trap of thinking negatively. We’re hard-wired to anticipate and brace for the worst, but this tendency can quickly derail us in contemporary life. We shouldn’t feel about working with a difficult colleague the same way a caveman felt when trying to catch his dinner, but let’s be honest; sometimes, we do. The question is really how can we shape an outlook that will lead to desirable outcomes and help us to feel better along the way?

Here’s where the power of positive thinking comes into play. By positive thinking, I mean a healthy combination of optimism and openness; it’s the quality of being hopeful that things will work out and confident that everything will be ok even if they don’t. Because that is admittedly a very large and vague concept, this idea can be best understood if we break it down into three parts: how to think positively in terms of what we expect of a situation, what we expect of others, and what we expect of ourselves.

What we expect of a situation

Thinking positively and optimistically is empowering when we apply it to the challenges and opportunities we face every day. Consider for a moment what the opposite attitude – a pessimistic, closed-minded, cautious – approach looks like: it makes me think of someone who won’t dare to dream big, take a risk or try something new. Think specifically about inventors who took considerable risks before creating and achieving anything of value. If they hadn’t had a positive spirit, a certain hopefulness about possible success amid uncertain outcomes, we might still be without many of the tools and technologies that we rely on every day. In general, it will serve you well to be upbeat and hopeful, if only because it will help you to keep trying new things until you make progress.

What we expect of others

Because we often unconsciously put up walls in our dealings with others to protect ourselves, this can be a more challenging arena for positivity. It can be tempting to expect the worst from others, or at least to expect that they will let us down. Unfortunately, when we do so, we’re limiting ourselves and our relationships before they’ve even had a chance.

Let’s consider two common scenarios – covering our asses on the job and protecting our hearts in romance – to see how this works.

At work, have you ever expected that a colleague wouldn’t (or couldn’t) shoulder her responsibility and gone ahead and done her share for her, just to be sure that the whole team (including you) wasn’t penalized? It might seem like you’re being helpful, but assuming her incompetence wastes your time and robs her of the chance to prove herself. You’ve effectively weakened the whole team both now and for the future, and you’ve created an unnecessary burden for yourself.

In the romance department, have you ever gone into a first date expecting that you wouldn’t like the other person? Entering the situation with this mindset might have left you looking for shortcomings in the other person, if only to prove to yourself that your assumptions were accurate. The result is that you feel validated about your instincts, but at the end of the date you’re (surprise!) still single.

I offer these examples to shed light on some of the many ways we unwittingly undermine others and by extension ourselves. If we can shift our thoughts to assume the best in people by hoping that they prove themselves worthy and giving them the chance to do so, we open ourselves up to the possibility of much stronger relationships.

What we expect of ourselves

Perhaps the most daunting arena for positivity, expecting the best from ourselves is in many ways the most important. Just today, my daughter sent me a picture of the inspirational message written on the tag of a tea bag: it simply read, “You are unlimited.” It made me pause and ask myself how my choices and actions would be different if I operated from this mindset. What would I go after and how would my pursuits be different if I assumed success rather than assuming failure? Chances are, we’d all pursue loftier goals with more pleasure and a higher success rate if we did so with an attitude of trust and openness.

I challenge you the next time you instinctively shy away from something that makes you nervous – asking for a promotion, befriending someone who challenges you or setting an ambitious goal for yourself – to think about how you could approach things differently with a truly positive mindset. We’re a lot stronger than we think we are, and sometimes we just need to be forced to prove it.

Our attitudes shape our actions and our impact. If we can embrace positive thinking in our behaviors, we’re much more likely to achieve positive results.

 

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