How to Beat Impostor Syndrome

Imagine this: You’ve just been called out for a job well done by your manager. Notes of praise and admiration start pouring in from your coworkers. There’s been talk of a bump in pay and maybe even a promotion!

But instead of enjoying the recognition, you panic. Surely, someone has made a mistake. I don’t deserve this. Now everyone will know I’m a phony! Your success is overshadowed by self-doubt, insecurity, or feeling like a fraud—despite the evidence to the contrary.

This response is called impostor syndrome, and it’s incredibly widespread across all job types and identities. “According to the research, 70 percent of people will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their career,” says Melody Wilding, a licensed social worker and executive coach. “At your next meeting, take a look around the room. It’s likely that the majority of people sitting there are, like you, struggling with a sense of self-doubt, but no one is really talking about it.”

Psychologists believe impostor syndrome stems from the impossibly high standards we use to define success for ourselves, based on beliefs picked up in childhood. These beliefs do us more harm than good—and we have the power to change them. Here are three strategies to keep impostor syndrome in check:

1. Do a Realistic Reset

High standards for your work are important, but there is such a thing as too high. “Pay attention to how you judge yourself,” says Wilding. “Do you say things like ‘I always mess up’ or ‘I have to be perfect or else I’m a failure?’ These could be signs you’re holding yourself to unrealistic expectations.”

Here’s how:

Our beliefs about how we “should” be are called Iceberg Beliefs, because they mostly lay hidden beneath the surface of our subconscious. At the core of Iceberg Beliefs are black-and-white standards that, in our often-gray world, can be nearly impossible to live up to.

You can navigate around your Iceberg Beliefs by doing a realistic reset on your standards for yourself. Here are a few examples:

Iceberg: “Everything I do must be perfect.”
Realistic Reset: “I strive to do my best. My goal is progress, not perfection.”

Iceberg: “If I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.”
Realistic Reset: “Mistakes make me human. When I do make a mistake, I will try to learn from the experience and do better next time.”

2. Own Your Accomplishments

A dead giveaway that you’re experiencing impostor syndrome? The need to respond to a compliment by explaining away everything you’ve done while discounting the effort that got you there. Some examples from Wilding: “I just happened to be next in line for that role,” “I was simply in the right place at the right time,” or “Anyone could have done it! It was nothing, really.”

Here’s how:

Make a practice of accepting compliments in an objective way. “You have to unlearn the habit of deflecting praise,” Wilding says. “That doesn’t mean you have to be overblown and self-promotional, but when you dismiss or explain away praise, you feel less confident and you turn away the gift of positive feedback.”

The next time you get a compliment, simply pause for three seconds before responding and savor the feeling of being acknowledged for a job well done. Then, say “Thank you!” or “I appreciate that,” and move on.

3. Scan for Pride

Impostor syndrome is closely tied to shame, the feeling that you haven’t lived up to your own standards: “I’ve really let myself down.” The opposite of shame is pride, the feeling we get when we acknowledge our accomplishments: “I did really well!” Most of us are better at getting on our own case over some imagined shortcoming than we are at even quietly congratulating ourselves for a job well done. In other words, we’re not even-handed emotionally—we are more primed for shame than we are for pride.

Here’s how:

Try the STAR technique to reorient your thinking and feel pride more often:

• Scan for pride: Think of a time when you did something well or behaved admirably.

• Tune In: How did you feel? Happy, energized, motivated? Think about your mind, body, and behavior.

• Appreciate It: Why was what you did important? What positive implications did it have?

• Ride the wave of positivity: If you can stay in the zone for just 17 seconds, your brain will create new positive pathways, making seeing the good easier and more automatic over time.

Your successes are just that—yours. So go ahead and celebrate each and every accomplishment you earn. You deserve it!

Terri Trespicio is an award-winning writer, speaker, and a long-time media expert on health and well-being. She was one of the early contributors to meQuilibrium, and her work has been featured on Dr. Oz, Oprah magazine, Prevention, and MindBodyGreen, among others. Find her on Twitter @TerriT.